


Daffodils and Tattoos

by lazilycoolllama



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, James is a dad, Oblivious Max, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Personal Growth, Scars, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Tattoos, nothing graphic, supportive family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:22:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazilycoolllama/pseuds/lazilycoolllama
Summary: Max had two options. Apologize to the angry girl who looked like she was about to murder her, or run away.“Uh,” Max said gracefully. Like a drunken giraffe, she stumbled out the door and ran.





	Daffodils and Tattoos

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are amazing! Please let me know what you think, I live off of validation

Max wasn’t a creep. Creep implied that she was _‘a person who behaved in an obsequious way in the hope of advancement’_ which wasn’t true. Max would know; she looked up the definition. No, she wasn’t a creep, she was just bored.

She had been riding this train for four years now. Four years of attending the private school her parents had insisted on. Four years of living on the outskirts of every social circle. She was a trouble kid, she knew that, but it didn’t help that she was the only Korean person attending Alba Prep. So, to distance herself, she made herself look as unapproachable as possible. Leather jacket, mesh stockings, combat boots, and the most offensive t-shirt she could slide under administration usually made up her ensemble. Her backpack was covered in pins she had picked up over the years, her favorite being the pride rainbow her brother had bought for her the prior year. The item to top off the whole message of _leave me the fuck alone_ was a pair of noise canceling headphones. A gun could go off and Max would be none the wiser.

Flipping to a new playlist, Max tapped out a rhythm on the handhold, metal studs on her fingerless gloves flashing in the morning light. Max didn’t consider herself anti-social She just preferred the company of some people over others. Right now, that was limited to her brother, James, and her only friend, Tick. The two of them also endured Alba Prep, even if James had already graduated. Tick, a rebel without a cause if Max ever saw one, had similar adverse opinions about the school they attended. It was how Alba Prep seemed to think she owed them something. She owed them attention, or her obedience. She owed them her life, so they could squish her into the next Barbie doll. Nah, Max had other plans for her life.

The train slowed to a stop. Commuters walked on, and some walked off. The train started again. Max shuffled out of the way for a pair of older women, who seemed alarmed at her choice of multiple piercings, and settled into her corner to watch the commuters. There was just something alluring about watching other people go about their lives and wondering what they were thinking, what they were doing, or where they were going. It had started about halfway through her first year at Alba Prep. Max had noticed a man, dressed like he made graphs and went to serious meetings all day, staring out the window with tears pouring down his face. Nobody else seemed to notice the man’s obvious distress, and he didn’t notice anyone else around him. It was just Max, watching someone else live a life she knew nothing about and trying to guess why.

Today, Max glanced over to the seats in the far corner. Yup, right on schedule. Romeo was nervously sitting ramrod straight, periodically glancing at his watch and tapping out his anxiety into the seat as he held a small bouquet of flowers. Max had a whole backstory for him, based on little details she had noticed over the years. His name was Romeo, he came from a small family on a farm, he worked in a bakery, and he was obviously in love with someone he couldn’t seem to be able to confess too. Or, at least, that was what Max had made up. He’d been at it for over three months now. She was a little worried that he would never confess.

The next regular was Hot Soup. This guy had some issues. Every single morning, rain or shine, this guy would jump onto the train at the last possible second with a container of hot soup. Sometimes it would spill; sometimes he had managed to get a lid on. It didn’t matter, because he still managed to burn his tongue every day.

Across from Hot Soup was 50 Shades of Cat Hair, or just Cat Hair for short. The little old woman went grocery shopping every morning, and Max knew that because Cat Hair had those recyclable shopping bags. She always wore a straw hat, cardigan, and was covered in cat hair. Everything from black to orange to stark white, this lady had it all. She was sweet though. She gave Max a sucker once for helping her onto the train.

There were a few others, but Max wasn’t quite as interested in them as she was in those others who weren’t regulars, like the mother of three struggling to constrain her four-year-old while simultaneously trying to feed her baby, or the businessman with an obvious hickey high enough on his neck that he probably hadn’t noticed it in the mirror, or the gang of jock boys, gesturing towards Max and snickering.

She rolled her eyes. She knew she had the unfortunate title of slut at her school. A rumor had spread a few years ago that Max had blown Caleb Erikson in the boys locker-room. From there the rumors snowballed and suddenly Max had apparently slept with half the football team and had a three-some with Kathy Delphi and Robert Handel. Whatever, they could talk all they wanted. Max had grown a thick skin long ago.

The train slowed to a stop. Max moved to keep her balance and stepped out. In that split second, someone else moved in front of her and they collided.

“Watch it!” Max snapped before she had even regained her balance. Her next words died in her throat as she registered whom she had knocked over.

“Seriously? You knocked me over!” The girl got to her feet in a huff, glaring at Max with blue eyes. Her dark hair everywhere, and a stain from the smoothie she had been holding was running down the front of her dress. Her face, all sharp lines and high cheekbones, was close to her own. She had blue eyes, and those blue eyes looked like they wanted to strangle her.

Max had two options. Apologize to the angry girl who looked like she was about to murder her, or run away.

“Uh,” Max said gracefully. Like a drunken giraffe, she stumbled out the door and ran.

It was only two blocks later that she finally stopped to catch her breath. She had left the train four stops to early, but at the moment Max couldn’t bring herself to care. She wasn’t used to a situation she couldn’t solve by punching or running away. In the foster system, if she didn’t like the family she just left. Of course, the social workers always got mad at her, but she didn’t care. Now she had a family that actually liked her. What would James think of her? Maybe she should ask him. She pulled out her phone.

_(7:23) Maxi pad: H E L P M E_

The response was almost instantaneous.

_(7:23) Buzz Lightyear: You had not be in the office right now I s2g_

_(7:24) Maxi pad: wat no_

_(7:24) Maxi pad: shut up_

_(7:24) Maxi pad: i did a goof_

_(7:26) Buzz Lightyear: *sigh* meet me in the parking lot I have your lunch_

_(7:26) Buzz Lightyear: that you FORGOT again_

_(7:27) Maxi pad: thnx_

_(7:29) Maxi pad: also i might be late because im rlly far away from the school_

_(7:31) Buzz Lightyear: Max._

_(7:32) Maxi pad: Ooo the Dad™ voice_

Alba Prep was only a short walk from the train station that Max was supposed to exit, but unfortunately in her rush to escape Max had left four stations too early. It was a longer walk, but this way she got to skip first period and make her brother suffer even more. James had graduated the prior year and worked at Target, having his soul slowly being drained by soccer moms and baby boomers. Long dead were his hopes and dreams. All that remained was a Dorito that longed-for death.

The Hamada family had adopted Max when she was twelve years old. Mostly because James took one look at Max, with her bruised face, scrapped knees, and scowl that could scare off a lion, and decided he was going to protect her. It took months, years even, for Max to completely trust James but now he was the one person Max could always count on.

Max walked into the parking lot through the primly trimmed bushes, causing the gardener to glare death threats at the back of her head. Other students milled about, meeting up with friends and discussing midterms while Max made a beeline for the minivan parked at the edge of the lot.

“Here,” James held out a brown paper bag with her name written on it. “Tuna and cheese, just how you like it.” She took it and muttered thanks. James was only a year older than her, yet looked like he could be twenty-five. His body was shaped like an inverse Dorito, and everything he wore somehow looked good on him. Max could vividly remember the days when he attended Alba High and girls would swoon after him in the halls while glaring at her. It was common knowledge that the only girl James was interested in was Max, and that was because he was a massive dad without being an actual dad.

“So,” He sighed, folding his arms and leveling her with his best dad stare. “What happened?”

Max groaned and told the story, emphasizing that it wasn’t her fault and the girl had run into her. James remained silent the entire time, but the exasperation he more than likely felt for her was growing by the minute.

“And you just ran away?” He asked once she was done.

“Uh, yeah. What was I supposed to do?”

James shook his head, “I don’t know, apologize? You can’t just run from stuff like that, kiddo. Sounds like you were both at fault.”

“But she was blaming me!” Max protested, glaring at James. She wasn’t at fault her, and even if she was, how was she supposed to react? Just roll over and take it? No, you either fought or ran.

James sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Look, I got a shift in half-an-hour, so I have to go, but this conversation isn’t over. I thought you were getting better at controlling your fight or flight? That’s what your therapist said.”

Max rolled her eyes, “I think we know better than that.”

“Apparently. Just stay out of trouble today, okay?” James pushed off the van and climbed inside. “Stay in school, don’t do drugs.”

“Says the guy who smoked weed in the art building.”

“Allegedly!” James shouted as he drove away, barely missing the _Watch for Students_ sign.

 

~~~…~~~

 

The next morning, Max had almost forgotten the girl with blue eyes. What with the threat of tests, the oh so tempting offer to give a hand job to Connor Walsh, and a disaster of an older brother who seemed to think four packets of uncooked ramen was a decent dinner, Blue Eyes had just slipped into the background of her thoughts.

Hitting the play button on her playlist, Max settled back into her corner to watch Romeo sweat over a buddle of daisies. The sky was overcast, and with the threat of rain brought the promise of canceled gym. For being a pretentious rich school, Alba Prep somehow didn’t have an indoor court.

Max’s phone buzzed, and she looked down.

(7:08) _Gremlin: johnson has a sub be prepared to receive some quality memes_

Max snorted. Tick Green, the one person at Alba Prep who had sunk low enough to be her friend, was a blessing upon her life. Having skipped several grades and gotten expelled from the local high school for hacking the announcements to blast memes, Tick was a small person with oversized glasses and hair that had no chill. The two of them had met first day of school four years ago. Tick had been shoved into a locker. Max broke the nose of the person who did it. A friendship was established over Shrek and pizza that night.

(7:09) _Maxi pad: looking forward to it_

She paused, before typing out her next message.

_(7:10) Maxi pad: hey, u going to the game at the end of the month?_

_(7:11) Gremlin: yah james promised me a free ride to the space convention if i went_

_(7:11) Maxi pad: nerd_

The train came to a sudden stop, and Max fumbled with her phone. It almost slow motion it slipped out of her hands, falling closer and closer to the steel floor below where it would shatter. Curse her stupidity in not buying a case!

And suddenly a hand was there, catching it. Hands with blue nail polish. Heart in throat, Max glanced up.

 _Oh no she’s hot,_ Max’s brain supplied unhelpfully as she pulled off her headphones.

“Jeez, you’re clumsy, aren’t you?” Blue Eyes smirked as she handed her phone back. “You trying to make this a thing? You falling for me?”

Max felt her ears turn red. “Shut up,” She muttered.

Blue Eyes snorted before she moved to go sit on the opposite of the car. With her heart pounding in her ears, Max edged back into her corner. Blue Eyes was wearing a loose pink dress with a gray cardigan draped over her shoulders, reaching her calves. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, a blue ribbon woven into it. She pulled out her phone and a little axolotl charm hung from it.

Awesome, she was hot, mean, and apparently liked weird animals. She was hitting all of Max’s weak points. She typed a quick message.

(7:23) _Maxi pad: tick_

_(7:23) Maxi pad: im relly gay_

_(7:24) Gremlin: yes. yes u r._

~~~…~~~

 

It didn’t become a thing. Max, anxious at even the thought of talking to her, had retreated far back into her corner. Sometimes they would make eye contact and Blue Eyes would smile, but Max would quickly look away. It was hard to ignore the tug in her gut though. That base instinct that told Max to be around her. It was weird. She didn’t like it.        

“Talk to her.”

“Nope. Unrealistic, block, reported, deleted.”

The two friends were sitting in Max’s living room, attempting to complete a physics assignment that was due the next day. Tick sat on the sofa, typing away furiously on their laptop while text books and papers spread around them in a starburst patterned mess. Max sat on the floor with her own mess, a laptop whirring away its last whirs. Tick glared at their friend over their oversized glasses while simultaneously taking a long sip of coffee.

“Dude…”

“Don’t you dare dude me,” Max glared. “I told you this story on the condition that you wouldn’t make a big deal about it.”

Tick groaned, “How can I not? You have two friends, and one of them is your brother! I’m doing my duty as your friend to encourage you to expand your horizons, get your head out of your ass, and talk to this girl.”

“We’ve talked twice. And each time it was for 30 seconds.”

Tick rolled their eyes, “Well that minute isn’t going to get any bigger if you continue whining to me instead of taking action.”

Max frowned. She did want to talk to Blue Eyes, but how? Go up to her and say _oh hey remember me? I knocked you over and then ran away._ Yeah, that would go over well. And Max didn’t even know her name! There were so many ways that this could go wrong. It was better that she stayed away. Better to not be involved in something that could backfire.

Tick looked exasperated with their friend. Max couldn’t understand why this was so important to them. Tick had always been a little… different. Not in a bad way, but just in the way that made people second guess being around them. Their personality was abrasive and decisive. They never backed down on opinions, and didn’t care what other people thought of them. That meant that they sometimes ticked people off and didn’t take it back.

Thus, their nickname.

“Look, I know it’s nice to stay in your bubble,” Tick said. “But you can’t live your whole life relying on me and James. We’re not going to be here forever.”

“I don’t need anyone else,” Max folded her arms and pouted.

“I’m moving to fucking Greenland in a few years,” Tick narrowed their eyes. “And James isn’t going to let you live in his basement forever.”

“What am I not doing?” James appeared from the kitchen, holding a bowl of cereal and jug of chocolate milk.”

“Letting Max live in your basement.”

James snorted, “Max wouldn’t want that. She can barely handle me being around Hannah now, much less when we’re living together.”

“Straight people are nasty,” Max declared.

James just snorted again and poured the chocolate milk into his cereal.

“Speaking of nasty straight people,” Tick said. “How is Hannah?”

“Stressing for that football game coming up. Cheerleaders are overseeing decorations and fundraising, so she is busy.”

Hannah Jones was the cheer captain for Bickerstone High. She and James had been dating for over a year, and she had forced herself into Max’s life. Her personality was outgoing and forceful, so she had basically taken one look at introverted Max and decided to adopt her. Looking back, she and James were made for each other.

“Is she coming over for movie night?” Max asked.

“Probably. She wanted to watch Mean Girls,” James flopped down next to Tick.

“No,” Max said. “We watched Mean Girls last time. We watched that the last three times. She promised we would watch Psycho.”

“Yeah, what is up with her and Mean Girls?” Tick asked.

“According to her, we met through that whole ‘he asked me what day it was’ thing,” James shrugged. “I don’t remember.”

“Goddamnit James, you useless poo,” Max groaned, throwing herself to the floor and flinging an arm over her eyes.

“Look, just because Hannah agreed to be my girlfriend doesn’t mean I know how I did it. I was in a Nyquil induced haze. I don’t remember anything from that week. All I know is I went into it single and ready for death and I came out of it with a girlfriend who could destroy me.”

Max laughed, “Sounds like your type.”

James grinned, “I love a woman who can kill me.”

Tick made a noise of disgust propped their physics book between them and James who took the opportunity to draw a dick on the cover. Max dragged herself upright and shoved a handful of nachos into her mouth before groaning again.

“Finish the physics, then bemoan your tragic social life,” Tick ordered.

“My social life is just fine!”

They flipped her off.

“What’s wrong with her social life?” James asked. “Other than everything?”

“Get fucked,” Max growled.

Tick explained the situation, with several embellishments and wild hand movements. Max sank lower and lower with each pointed glance the two gave her. She considered leaving, but this physics project needed to get done and she needed Tick’s help.

“You should talk to her,” James said, then held up his finger as Max tried to argue. “No, listen. You’re going to see her every day, but if it goes bad you can easily avoid her.”

“It already went bad, and give up on seeing Hot Soup and Romeo? No way, I need to know if he confesses. Me and Tick have bets riding on this.”

“Just think about it,” James said. “That’s all I’m asking.”

Max considered fighting it, but didn’t. She didn’t need any more friends. She was fine.

The next few days came and went. Max would settle into her corner and wait until Blue Eyes got on. Once Blue Eyes, dressed in a different colored dress every day, would settle in her seat, Max would sneak a few glances, but stick to routine. 

It was almost two weeks later that they spoke again.

Max was texting Tick about the upcoming football game that James was bribing them to go to. Something about how Hannah was going to be there and he needed his little sister and her friend to be there so it didn’t look weird when he went. Max had tried to argue that he was only nineteen and it wasn’t that weird. James refused to listen.

The train stopped, and Max glanced up long enough to see Blue Eyes get on the train and sit. She was wearing a purple dress today with a black cardigan. Her eyes were still unfairly blue. Max was about to return to her conversation when she saw them.

Caleb Erikson, Connor Walsh, and Robert Handel. The three largest football players and perpetrators of slut-shaming at Alba Prep were standing in a huddle near where Blue Eyes had sat down, glancing at her with gross gleams in their eyes. Max had often been on the receiving end of their taunts and locker room talk. Tick knew, and several balls had been kicked, along with James who had managed to stop most of it when he was attending Alba Prep, but now Max was alone. It wasn’t hard to ignore. She had endured a lot of similar bullying in the orphanage, but she had issues watching it happen to someone else.  

Max felt disgust curdle in her stomach as the three boys approached Blue Eyes. What were they even doing on the train? They never took the train.

Connor pulled out his phone, aiming the camera at Blue Eye’s chest while his friends snickered behind him. Blue Eyes looked up, turned red, and folded her arms over her chest, staring resolutely at the ground.

“Awww, come on sweetie,” Robert drawled, “Take it as a compliment. You got a great rack.”

Max saw red. Shoving her phone into her pocket, and took four steps forwards, cranked her hand back, and planted her fist into Connor’s perfect white teeth. Blood spurted as he yelped and stumbled back into the arms of his cronies. Max snatched his phone and slammed it into the ground, growling at them.

“What the fuck!” Caleb exclaimed. He moved like he was about to fight back, but then realized he was in a public place and had about twenty witnesses. Max knew that they wouldn’t do anything if the masses had someone to stand behind. He sneered at her instead, “You slut.” The three of them slunk away, the promise of retribution in their eyes.

“Oh my God, are you okay?”

Max was pulled out of her rage at the sound of Blue Eye’s voice. Spinning around, she was suddenly faced with a still red but very relieved girl. Gasping for air like a fish, she just stared. Blue Eyes seemed to notice the blood on her hand and her eyes widened.

“Is your hand hurt? Here, let me see it,” Blue Eyes dragged her down onto the seat next to her, checking her hand and producing a wet wipe from her bag.

“Why do you have wet wipes?” Max croaked. Awesome. Great first thing to ask her. Brilliant.

Blue Eyes didn’t seem to mind. She shrugged, “I have a lot of nieces and nephews. Helps to have them on hand.”

“Cool.”

She cleaned away the blood, revealing several small cuts where Caleb’s teeth had met her hand. Max hissed as she cleaned them with the disinfected wipes. Blue Eyes winced and apologized. She then produced several Band-Aids and plastered them over the cuts before Max could protest.

“I hope you like flowers,” Blue Eyes commented on the floral pattern of the Band-Aids. “It’s the only kind I have.”

“I really don’t need them,” Max managed to say.

“But they make you look so much cooler!”

Max blinked, staring right into her eyes before realizing that she was still holding her hand. She yanked it back into her lap, feeling her ears heat up. “Um, what?”

“You know, with that whole _bad girl with tragic anime past_ vibe you got going on,” Blue Eyes gestured at her leather jacket and combat boots. “The grungy-punk look is very cool.”

“Thanks?”

“You’re welcome,” She grinned. She had dimples. _Why did she notice that?_ Max backed away

“I’m Becca by the way,” Blue Eyes said. “But you can call me Bec. Most people do.”

“Bec,” Max repeated. She really liked that name. “Um, I’m Max.”

“Max… is that short for anything?” Bec asked.

“Yeah.”

There was silence, and Max panicked. What should she say? Could she run? Maybe she could run. No, Caleb might come back. Oh God what should she say.

“Where do you go to school?” Bec asked, and Max breathed a sigh of relief.

“Alba Prep.”

“Oh, wow,” Bec blinked. “I didn’t… expect that.”

“Was it the eyebrow piercing and tattoos?” Max asked dryly. Bec nodded, and Max managed to chuckle. “Yeah, they aren’t big fans of my wardrobe either. But daddio donated a shit ton of money so they let me get away with it. Doesn’t mean dad likes it, but I think he gave up after trying to raise my older brother.”

Bec laughed, “He must be something.”

“You have no idea,” Max said. “He’s the reason for half the scorch marks in the science wing. What about you? Where are you going?”

“Bickerstone High,” Bec pointed at her ID hanging off a lanyard in her bag. “Go Eagles.”

“Why don’t you take the bus?” Max settled farther back into the seat. She couldn’t explain it, but talking with Bec seemed familiar. She just had an energy that made Max relax. Of course, that put her on edge but Bec just kept smiling and talking. At least she wasn’t still mad at her for their first meeting.

“Train lets me sleep in ten more minutes,” Bec admitted. “And I like it here. The ambiance is nice. Less screaming freshman, more adults who have given up on life long ago.”

Max laughed, startled by her sudden dark humor. Bec grinned at her, pleased by the reaction.

“I mean, more perverts, but at least I got to meet you.”

Max growled, “Those guys are assholes.”

Bec set a hand on her arm and suddenly Max was very aware of how close they had gotten. “Thanks for stopping them. Really. I’m not very good at standing up for myself.”

“Ha ha,” Max laughed nervously. “That’s me, your knight in shining leather.” She instantly cringed. “Oh God that sounded kinky.”

Bec burst out laughing. Max just stared. _Oh God she had a nice laugh._

The train came to a stop, pushing Bec against Max. Max leapt to her feet, praying she wasn’t as red as she thought she was. “This is your stop, right?”

Bec nodded, gathering her things. “Thanks again. See you tomorrow?”

“Um, yup!” Max’s voice squeaked. What was she, a twelve-year-old boy? She wanted to curl up and die.

With a swish of dark hair and one last smile, Bec was gone. Max collapsed back against the seat, staring at the wad of gum stuck to the seat across from her. A grin split her face as she pulled out her phone.

_(7:15) Maxi pad: her name is bec_

_(7:15) Gremlin: omg did u actually pull ur head out of ur ass??????_

_(7:16) Maxi pad: shut ur fuck ill tell u about it at lunch_

_(7:19) Gremlin: ur buying me taco bell_

~~~…~~~

 

Everyday Max sat next to Bec. For twenty minutes out of their days, the two girls talked about anything and everything. Bec learned that Max was adopted, and her favorite food was spaghetti. Max learned that Bec had eight older siblings and she wanted to be a teacher. Bec learned about Tick and James, while Max learned about Bec’s friends: Poms, Leo, and Mabel. They learned stupid things about each other, like Max could recite the alphabet backwards and Bec loved trashy horror movies, like Sharknado and Rubber. Bec learned about each of the regulars on the train. Max was delighted when she placed her own bet on Romeo. It was casual, and while Max was still dying, she was happy that Bec knew she existed. Bec seemed happy too, because she wouldn’t shut up. Not that Max was complaining. It was nice to not have awkward pauses because Bec would always fill them with a funny story or some random fact she read online.

Meanwhile, Caleb and his gang prowled on the edges of Max’s sight but so far, they hadn’t made a move. She could tell he was seething that she had punched him; that she had humiliated him in front of his cronies. Max was supposed to just sit there and take it. That’s what she had done for four years. But Bec was different. She cared about Bec.

_Oh no she cared about Bec._

Tick was overjoyed she had a new friend. Max was still waiting for it to blow up in her face.

“Okay, what’s the most dangerous thing you’ve done?” Max grinned at Bec. The other girl thought for a second, lines appearing between her eyebrows. The two of them were situated on the train, leaning against the window with a cup of gross gas station coffee in each of their hands.

“Probably cliff diving. I went with Leo, Poms, and Mabel a few months ago. Mabel almost broke her tailbone.” Bec said.

“Yikes,” Max winced. “I’ve broken my collarbone before, but tailbone would suck to break.”

“You’ve broken your collarbone?” Bec perked up. “I haven’t broken anything.”

“Yeah,” Max pulled her t-shirt down so that Bec could see her slightly crooked bone. “It didn’t heal right but it doesn’t really bother me. Are you okay?”

Bec coughed, face a little red, “Nononononononono I’m cool. I’m chill. That’s cool. Um, have you broken anything else?”

Max shrugged her shirt back up, “Yeah, my wrist and thumb. I actually can’t feel my left pink, ring, and pointer finger.”

“Really? Why?” Bec grabbed her hand and pressed down on the numb areas, staring at her face for a reaction.

“Oh, um, it’s stupid,” Max said. This particular injury had come during a regretful and impulsive time in her life where she purposely did stupid stuff to piss off her foster parents.

“Teeeeeeell meeeeeeeee,” Bec whined.

“No.”

“Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase?”

“It’s dumb.”

“Yeah, and I have never done anything dumb either,” She said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Tell me.”

“Okay fine,” Max sighed. Here she went. “I was playing with firecrackers, right? I was just lighting them off and throwing them out the door. And then I accidentally lit the whole thing on fire. This thing was a bomb about to go off. So, what do I do? Just stare at it. It goes off in my hand and damaged all the nerves in that hand.”

Bec burst out laughing, holding her stomach as spasms racked her body. Max just watched in wonder as she slowly faded down to hiccups. “I’m sorry, that was so dumb. You just held it?”

“Yup,” Max chuckled. “I wasn’t the brightest kid. I’m still not.”

“Psh,” Bec rolled her eyes, “I’ve seen that physics and calc book, you can’t hide from me Miss Smarty-pants.”

“Really? That’s what you’re going with?”

“I’m committed to it; it’s too late to take it back.”

The two laughed. Bec asked her question. “What’s your favorite flower?”

Max grimaced, “I don’t know, tulips? Lilies? I don’t like flowers very much. What about you?”

“Daffodils,” Bec answered. “My older sister is a florist, and she taught me a bunch of the meanings behind flowers and stuff. Daffodils means new beginnings, and I like that. Starting something new and exciting.”

Max blinked. That was… cute.

The train, once again, rolled to a stop. Bec jumped up, stretched, and turned on her heels to face Max. “You know what; I just realized you don’t have my number.”

“Oh um, yeah,” Max said intelligently.

“Here,” Bec pulled out a pen and scribbled a series of numbers onto Max’s arm. “Now you can bother me during school.”

“I thought you would want me to be responsible and shit?” Max raised an eyebrow.

Bec snorted, “Where is the fun in that? See you tomorrow!”

Max leaned back in her seat and smiling at her retreating back as long hair swooshing from side to side. Once the doors closed, she pulled out her phone and entered the number.

(7:20) _Maxi pad: hey_

Within seconds her phone buzzed.

(7:20) _Bec Bock: hey_

 

~~~…~~~

 

Max was typing away on her phone, arguing with Tick about if they should wear face paint or not to the football game next week. Tick was all for it, while Max against it. Of course, Tick had to pull James into a group chat with them and he sided with them. It was a losing battle, but Max was determined to fight to the dismal end.

Train stopped. People boarded. Trained started. Max felt Bec plop down next to her and look up to greet her but something else came out of her mouth.

“Wow, you look like shit.”

Bec leveled her a deadpan stare, one eyebrow raised high. There were dark circles under her eyes, her hair was frizzy, and she was wearing jeans and sweater that had a print of Hedwig on it along with a pair of thick framed glasses. Her make-up wasn’t done, and a small outbreak of zits decorated her forehead.

“Yeah, me and the gang were up late playing video games. We didn’t realize it was 3 AM until it was too late. Now I’m going to go commit suicide by caffeine overdose.” She took a sip of steaming gas station coffee and wrinkled her forehead. “This is disgusting.” She took another sip.

“Hey, um, if you want,” Max fiddled with her fingerless gloves. “You could take a nap? I’ll watch over your stuff.”

Bec stared at her before she realized what she had offered. “Really? That would be awesome. I’m so tired.”

“Yeah, just don’t drool.”

“HA! Sucks for you I am a known drooler.”

“Is that something to be proud of?”

“It is now.”

Bec relaxed setting her coffee and bag aside. Within moments she was asleep. Her breathing turned heavy and her face relaxed. Max tried hard not to stare, but it was hard. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. When she was awake, Bec was always moving, be it tapping her fingers or using her entire body to talk. Now that she was still, it was odd. Max realized how much she was used to an active Bec.

Her head looked awkward like that; it was going to give her a crick in her neck. Maybe if she put her arm under her head then it wouldn’t hurt. Carefully, she positioned her arm around Bec. Yeah, that looked better.

The train jerked. Bec stirred and fell onto Max’s shoulder.

_OH NO._

She was so close. Oh god she smelled like vanilla and strawberries. Why did that smell so good? Okay, nope, calm down. This was fine. She was just helping Bec be more comfortable. Her shoulder had to be more comfortable than the steel bar behind the seat, right? Right.

Once Max calmed down enough, she realized how quiet it was. Of course, there was the roar of the train and soft murmur of the other passengers, but without music blasting in her ears, or Bec right next to her talking her ear off, the train was oddly… peaceful. With nothing to focus on, Max felt herself slipping. It wouldn’t hurt to close her eyes for a second. Bec’s stop was only a few more minutes away. She could just close her eyes and…

_SCREECH!_

Max jolted awake. Oh crap. _Oh fuck._

“What’s going on?” Bec asked sleepily.

“I feel asleep, you missed your stop. Ugh, I’m sorry! Dammit, come on you can get a ride from my friend.” Max grabbed Bec’s hand and dragged her out of the train. Bec was still wiping the sleep from her eyes when they reached the school. She gasped at the stone turrets and pompous hallways.

“This is your school?”

“Yes, and it sucks, follow me.”

They reached the courtyard. A single fountain sat in the center, surrounded by carefully groomed, but dying, gardens. Tick sat near the statue of Thoth that some pretentious CEO had donated. They looked up when they heard Max approaching. Confusion etched their features.

“Um, who is this?” Tick asked.

“Tick, this is Bec. Bec, this is Tick. Tick, can you give Bec a ride to school?” Max said in one breath.

“Hi,” Bec waved.

“Sup,” Tick lazily got to their feet. “I’m fifteen, I can’t drive yet.”

“You drive to school every day!” Max argued.

“Not legally I don’t,” Tick protested. “And it’s common knowledge there are more cops around the public school. I don’t want to get caught just yet.”

“When’s a good time to get caught?” Bec wondered.

Tick opened their mouth to respond but Max interrupted. “Please, Tick? I’ll buy you Taco Bell.”

Tick considered it, stroking their chin thoughtfully, “How much Taco Bell?”

“Four Frito Burritos and a drink.”

“Deal,” They spit on their hand and held it out.

“Nope, not doing that,” Max said, and pushed Bec towards Tick. “Just drop her off and get back her soon.”

“Sure sure sure,” Tick said. “Come on Bec, we have much to discuss.”

“Tick,” Max said warningly.

Bec’s head was bobbing back and forth between the two, still not quite awake and not quite keeping up with the conversation. “What about Taco Bell?”

“Go!” Max pushed them.

The two of them took off for the parking lot, Tick marching determinedly and Bec lagging behind with a weary gait. Max gripped her bag anxiously. She hoped Tick wouldn’t tell Bec anything embarrassing about her. She trusted Tick with her life, but the little gremlin had a habit of thinking something was good for a person when it really wasn’t. Tick was honest and open about almost everything, while Max preferred to keep her secrets close.

She should probably make sure Tick wasn’t being stupid. She pulled out her phone and sent a message. 

_(8:02) Maxi pad: if u tell bec bout u know what i will tell james u ate all his poptarts_

_(8:07) Gremlin: u wouldn’t_

_(8:09) Maxi pad: dont cross me timothy tickorson_

_(8:10) Gremlin: thts not my name_

~~~…~~~

 

Bec ended up texting her that she had gotten to school safely, had only missed first period, and Tick hadn’t said anything too embarrassing. Or, at least, she didn’t remember. She admitted to nodding off a few more times on the drive there.

It was the day of the football game. James and Tick had wrestled Max into some face and were proudly cheering in the living room while Max sulked on the couch. Her parents laughed from the kitchen. _Betrayal._ Tick jumped on the couch, grinning at her, “Is your new friend going to be there?”

Max folded her arms harder and pouted at Tick, “Shut up, and I doubt it. She said she doesn’t like sports.”

“A woman after my own heart,” Tick grasped their chest and fell dramatically onto Max’s lap. “You sure, though? She didn’t mention anything about going to the game?”

Max narrowed her eyes, “What do you know, gremlin?”

“No need to be calling name here,” James interrupted, emerging from his bedroom and glaring at the two teens.

“Shut up, Captain America,” Tick and Max said together. They high-fived.

“I don’t know anything,” Tick said with too much innocence. “I’m just wondering about my friends’ happiness, is that too much to ask?”

“Yes.”

“Le gasp.”

“That isn’t how French works,” James said, sitting down on Max’s other side. He was dressed in sweats and a Bickerstone High sweat shirt that his girlfriend had gotten him. Blue and white paint covered his face, spilling over sloppily onto his undercut. On her lap, Tick wore cargo shorts and a shirt with a hand painted blue and white eagle. Their blond hair was streaked with blue and white temporary dye and two stripes on their face. Max herself was wearing her usual ripped jeans, grunge sweater, and flannel tied around her waist but somehow Tick had managed to land a handprint of blue and white on her left cheek.

“You three ready to go?”

Max twisted around to see Hannah emerge from the bathroom, pink hair pulled up into twin ponytails and cheerleading uniform on. Max turned to grin at her brother who had turned the exact same shade of pink as his girlfriend’s hair at seeing her in her cheerleading outfit, the white and blue contrasting beautifully against her dark skin. He glared back at her.

“Oh, shut up you get flustered when Bec texts you anything.”

Max sputtered as Tick howled with laughter.

“Wait, Bec?” Hannah asked.

“Yeah, do you know her?” Max asked. She felt James move frantically against her, but when she turned to look he was still, the picture of innocence. Her family was full of traitors.

“No, I don’t think so,” Hannah shrugged. “I was thinking of someone else I guess. Who is this Bec?”

“It’s this girl she just made friends with but won’t actually admit they’re friends,” Tick summarized.

“Tick, go die.”

“Gladly.”

“You aren’t friends? Why not?” Hannah looked sympathetic. Max eyed her suspiciously. Hannah might seem innocent, but Max had seen her tear apart grown men and leave them weeping. She was a force of nature that demanded to be reckoned with. Max remembered vividly the day that Hannah had forced Max to go get ice cream with her and make them friends. She still did.

“No, we’re friends,” Max muttered. Tick and James cheered and Max through pillows at them. “I just don’t want her to… to leave me. I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

Hannah considered Max for a moment. They hadn’t known each other long. A little over a year, when Hannah and James had started dating, but Hannah was good with people. Max trusted her on that. That also meant that she was good at reading Max. Smiling kindly, Hannah said, “Maybe you should put a little more trust into her. Not everyone wants to hurt you.”

Before Max could process that, Hannah was hauling them out the door and into her jeep. Tick instantly claimed the aux cord and began blasting soundtracks from Narnia, Incredibles, and Shrek. James claimed shotgun and held hands with Hannah the whole way there. Max sat in the back, next to Tick, considering what Hannah said. Hannah knew a little about her past, from what James had told her with Max’s permission, but not everything. Max knew she had trust issues. It was just a part of who she was. Did Hannah know something she didn’t? Whatever, she could think about this later. She had a boring football game to go to and twelve promised hotdogs to consume.

They arrived a little early so that Hannah could go join the other cheerleaders. James led them near the top where the band sat. Tick waved at a few friends they had procured probably online. The teams were warming up on the field, breath solidifying in the chilly air. Several families had already arrived, as well as plenty of students. A few trumpets tooted, only to be shushed by the director. Max pulled out her phone and sentenced herself to scrolling through memes with Tick for the next few hours.

The game started soon. James quickly got invested in the game, cheering and jumping up and down whenever they scored points or whatever. Max and Tick just rolled their eyes. Sports had never been an interest for them.

Halftime arrived sooner than Max realized. The band assembled to perform their show, and James stood and stretched.

“Come on, I’ll buy you a hotdog.”

“Twelve hotdogs,” Max reminded him.

“Not during the game, I am not dealing with that for the rest of the time here. I’ll buy them on the way home,” James winced, already anticipating the stomach ache his sister was going to have.

“You had better.” The two of them left the stands, Tick staying behind to browse the internet, and went down to the concessions where several groups of students were huddled around talking. The school mascot, an eagle dressed in white and blue, walked among everyone giving out high fives and hugs. Max veered away from that. She would rather not deal with that sure to be awkward mess.

“Oh shit,” James muttered, patting himself down. “I left my wallet in the car. I’ll be right back. Just stay here.” He ran off before Max could protest.

Max immediately wandered off.

At first, she just had to go to the bathroom, but then she saw a cat, and from there she just forgot to go back. She ended up in the alley between the school and the stands. It was nice there. Quieter. Leaning against the stands, she pulled a rubber band from her pocket to fidget with.

Max had always kind of been a loner. Having to fend for herself for twelve years in the foster system had ingrained that into her, but even after moving in with James and her now parents, she had reluctance joining groups. It had been a miracle she and Tick had connected like they had. Normally whenever anyone tried to make friends with Max she ended up pushing them away, or just straight up running away. It was how her life was.

But not Bec. She had run away from her at first. Literally and figuratively. But Bec had always met her halfway. Once they had started to become friends, Bec had chased her when she ran away. Maybe Bec would chase her if she knew what kind of person Max was? Or would she just dump her, like so many others had? There were so many variables, to many things to consider. It hurt Max’s head trying to conclude that which would make sense. Nothing made sense. The urge to run itched at her skin. Just start walking and walk until someone caught her and told her to go back. Just run.

She was almost about to walk out of the alley when a snicker stopped her.

“I’ve been waiting for a moment like this for a long time,” Caleb said, approaching from one end of the alley. Max turned to run but found the other end blocked by Robert, Connor, and a few other goons. Dred pooled in her gut.

“What are you doing here?” Max snarled.

“Cheerleader ass, what did you think?” Robert snorted, and the others laughed.

“You’re just a bonus,” Caleb was suddenly behind her, grabbing her arms. She tried to yank away, but he was stronger than her. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck. “I’ve wanted to do this ever since you landed that lucky punch.”

Max sucked in a breath to scream, but Caleb’s hand clamped down over her mouth, his other hand wandering over her stomach. Robert and Connor suddenly looked uncomfortable.

“Dude, come on, this is feeling weird,” Robert called out.

“Yeah, what if a teacher comes over here?” Connor added.

Max tensed as his hand wandered close to her crotch, “Aw, come on guys we’re just having a little fun, right Max?” Caleb said next to her ear.

Max couldn’t move. Her mind was blank with panic. She couldn’t breathe. Everything was blurry and far away. She could smell cigarette smoke. Nobody was smoking, but she could feel the burn of a cig stub against her skin. She wanted to crawl away. His breath transformed from mint to beer. She couldn’t move. Not again not again not again…

One second, his wet breath was against her neck, the next there was a shriek of pain and the hands disappeared from her body. Gasping, Max whirled around to see the mascot wielding a t-shirt cannon that they had apparently smacked over the head of Caleb.

“Help,” Max croaked, then screamed. “HELP!”

Connor and Robert grabbed Caleb and fled with the others, stumbling over each other as the mascot threw rocks after them. Max just watched them go in numb silence. She couldn’t believe how close he had gotten. Her skin crawled.

“Max!”

Max turned to see a few teachers running towards them with several students and James trailing behind. Tossing the cannon to the ground, the eagle pulled off their head, letting dark hair fall down.

Oh.

_Oh._

Bec’s blue eyes stared worriedly into her own before she turned back to the teachers and began explaining what had happened. James pulled Max aside and into the school building, making her sit down. She clung to James as he hugged her. Tick snuck up next to her, babbling with fear and worry as fast as they could. James just held onto her, not saying anything. Max felt the tears start pouring down her face, but she didn’t register them. She felt numb.

“Let’s go home,” James whispered, and she nodded.

 

~~~…~~~

 

Max didn’t go back to school. Her parents called and told them she was dropping out. They told her she could just take the GED test, or go back next year. She didn’t care. All she could think about was the feeling of dirty hands on her skin, hot breath on her neck, and the burn of cig stubs. The moment she got home from the game she rushed to the bathroom and scrubbed her skin until it was wrinkled and raw. Her mom ended up having to drag her out. James quit his job, spending most of his day either in her room or waiting outside of it. Tick came over a few times, making her play video games with them. They refused to tell her what was going on at school, but Max figured it out. She wasn’t stupid. She could hear her parents arguing in the kitchen late at night.

Caleb wasn’t being charged.

Lack of evidence was the main claim. The school refused to even suspend him. Max was just making it up, they said. She was a troubled kid anyways. Nobody would miss her.

“Don’t listen to them,” James said one night, hugging her tight as her dad screamed at someone on the phone. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

She wasn’t okay.

She didn’t sleep very well, because her dreams were full of the past. She barely ate, and only when Tick or James sat next to her and made sure she was safe. She never left her room, and her mom ended up bringing in wet rags just to clean herself. She couldn’t leave. Beyond her door was a dangerous world. For the first week she left her phone on. After it kept ringing, she threw it against the wall and broke it. Tick was upset about that, but Max didn’t care.

It was a month later that she left her room. She took a shower, watching the water run down her body. Her broken, fucked up body. As she stepped out, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and winced. Burn scars littered her torso, arms, and legs. Most of them were covered with tattoos, like the vines and flowers crawling down her left arm, or the birds flying up her right thigh, or the tree growing over her right side and back. Each tattoo had a memory of James and Tick beside her in the tattoo parlor, holding her hand as she covered up her past. There were still burns there though. There was that ugly scar on her chest where a broken bottle had caught her. The slender scar across her ribs where she had fallen against a broken mirror. The multiple tiny scars covering her knuckles from hundreds of fights. She hated her body and the story it told.

Max grabbed a towel and quickly left.

James helped her pick out an outfit. She covered as much skin as she could, hiding her hair under a beanie. With a hopeful smile, her parents waved goodbye as she and James got into the car and drove away.

“Where are we going?” Max asked.

“It’s the weekend, so I figured we would go to that diner you like on the edge of town. The Robin Nest, right?”

Max nodded.

“Great. I invited Tick and Hannah, if that’s okay with you,” He looked at her worriedly.

“That’s fine.” 

“Cool. Tick said they have a new gadget they want your opinion on.”

They drove in silence, the only sound coming from the faint radio playing 80’s hits. Occasionally James would hum along, but other than that it was quiet. Max almost wished he would talk. If he talked, then she wouldn’t have to think. Thinking was bad. Thinking led to bad thoughts.

They arrived, pulling into the semi-empty parking lot. The diner’s neon sign glowed in the window, advertising homemade pie and some beer brand. A series of windows, each partially covered with checkered curtains, lined the walls. Inside Max could see several regulars. When they entered, Tick leapt up and waved them over to the corner table where they and Hannah sat.

“Hey!” Tick said, patting the seat next to them. Max sat. “Okay, so I made this music player, except it also serves as a taser and Hannah says people might accidentally taser themselves, but I think that’s dumb and oh it also has this neat feature…”

They rambled on and on, and Max smiled. Tick was exactly what she needed. Loud, abrasive, and excited about stuff Max didn’t really care about.

Hannah rolled her eyes and landed a quick peck on James cheek, turning him pink. “Hey guys, we haven’t ordered yet.”

The couple decided to split a burger and fries, while Max ordered the spaghetti and Tick got the biggest stack of pancakes she could convince the waiter to give them. Max loved the Nest, as it had been dubbed by the teens of Bickerstone. It was owned by a friendly woman who kept a shotgun under the counter, served discount coffee to struggling students, and always had fresh cookies for her favorites, thus giving her the nickname Cookie.

Cookie waved at Max from the kitchen and she waved back. Cookie and Max had become acquainted when Max had first moved to Bickerstone. Little twelve-year-old Max with a ratty backpack and nowhere to go, trying to bum a meal off one of the patrons had caught the wise eye of Cookie. She gave Max a hot meal and convinced her to turn around and give the Hamada family a second chance. Max owed a lot to that old lady.

“Okay, one Robin Burger, a Messy Spaghett, and a Leaning Tower of Pancake – OH!”

Max jumped at the sudden exclamation from the waitress, looked up, and met wide blue eyes. It was Bec, dressed in the pastel blue waitress uniform that matched her eyes way to well. Her brown hair was pulled into two pigtails, and her nails were painted pink.

“Max…” She said, shocked.

“Uh, hi,” Max wanted to disappear into her seat. She hadn’t meant to avoid Bec, but it had just… happened. She hadn’t read the messages Bec sent to her the week before she broke her phone. Every time she saw her name pop up on her phone Max felt her innards cave in. She wanted to talk to her, but the just the thought of it reminded her of that look on Bec’s face. The shock and disgust. It had been Bec’s name that had snapped her.

“Where… no, never mind,” Bec shook her head. “Here is your food. Enjoy.”

She set the food down forcefully, and stalked away, fists clenched as she disappeared into the back.

“What’s her problem?” Tick asked. Max stared at her hands, refusing to meet anyone’s face.

There was a moment of silence before Hannah broke it, “I think you should go talk to her.”

Max’s head whipped up, “What? No!”

“Yes,” Hannah glared, “I know what happened fucked you up, but Bec has been trying really hard and she doesn’t get why you won’t talk to her. She doesn’t deserve this, and you don’t want to be an asshole.”

“What if I do?” Max shot back. “She’s just going to leave me.”

“Oh, grow up,” Hannah snarled, ignoring the warning hand from James on her arm. “You are acting like a fucking child. Yeah, you’re allowed to hurt and cope, but you aren’t allowed to hurt other people. Especially not Bec, okay?”

“Why do you care?” Max slammed her hands on the table, startling several other patrons.

Hannah blinked, but then was back with a fury. “Because no matter how hard to you try not to, you care. You care, and she cares, and for fucks sake I care. We all care about you, Max. And you push us away before we even get a chance, so for the love of everything good and pure in this world you will go talk to Bec and make this right or I swear I will hound you to your grave about this.”

Silence, then Max growled, eyes hard. “Fuck you, Hannah.”

She got up and marched out of the diner, ignoring the calls to come back behind her.

The cold air slapped her in the face and she left the warm diner. Clouds were gathering in the distance. Leaves littered the ground, leaving a carpet of orange, red, and yellow. Max kicked a rock aside, her skin buzzing with anger. With the determination of someone with no self-preservation, she stalked around the building to the alley behind where she knew nobody would disturb her. Rounding the corner, she stalled.

_Fuck._

Bec was there, leaning against the diner wall, face buried in her hands and her shoulders shaking. She must have been freezing. That uniform didn’t look warm, and the only other form of protection she had was a faded purple fleece jacket. Max’s arrive was announced by her sharp intake of breath, and Bec’s head snapped up. Her eyes were red, and tears stained her cheeks.

They stared at each other for a moment, like a deer caught in the headlights. Bec was the first to move, pushing herself off the wall and brushing away tears.

“Hey,” She croaked.

“Hey,” Max answered.

“What are you doing here?”

“Running from my problems,” Max answered, folding her arms defensively. Bec smiled slightly before she reminded herself that she was mad.

“Huh.”

“Yup.”

They returned to the thick, uncomfortable silence.

Max broke it next. “So, you work here.”

Bec’s eyebrow rose, “Is that okay with you? Since apparently your opinion matters to me.” She muttered the last part.

“I guess,” Max said.

“You guess?” Bec snorted, eyes hard and posture portraying nothing but rage. She was shivering madly, but even managed to make that look like an impending storm. Max would have been terrified of her if she wasn’t so mad herself.

“Why are you mad at me?” Max blurted out.

Bec folded her arms, mirroring Max. “Oh, I wonder why. Maybe because you straight up ignored me for a _month._ A month, Max. A whole fucking month, and you would still be ignoring me if you hadn’t run into me. What is your problem? I was worried about you, but I guess tough punk Max can take care of herself, right? I mean, Poms told me to give you time. And I did. I gave you so much time, but fuck, Max… you just left. Didn’t even bother to explain!”

Max was left blank, mouth open.

Bec didn’t even stop for a breath, “Oh, and how about you also just disappeared off the face of the planet? You not only fucking stopped answering your phone, you just left. I thought… I thought something bad had happened to you. Like those boys got to you again, or you…” She gulped, unfolded her arms, and pointed an accusing finger at Max. “You know what… fuck you Max. Fuck. You.”

She turned on her heel to stalk away when Max broke out of her shocked silence. She leapt forwards, grabbing her arm. Bec stopped but refused to look back.

“I…” What should she say? She couldn’t think of anything. Her body moved before her mind could catch up, and now she was drawing a blank.

“You better start talking,” Bec growled.

“I’m sorry,” Max whispered. “I’m not good with words, but I’m sorry.”

There was nothing but the wind from the storm in the distance filling the thick silence between them. A dog barked in the distance, and the bell on the diner rang as someone left. Bec’s fleece jacket was rough from years of use, and Max could feel her shaking underneath the fabric. With great effort, she took a heavy breath and took a step closer.

“I… I’m not a good person,” Max continued. “I fuck things up. I push people away. I know I do, because I had to go to a therapist for six years and he told me. I didn’t deserve what you did for me. Being my friend… that was more than I could ever ask for. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you. I don’t blame you for hating me.”

As Max finished, Bec took a shaky breath and turned around. Her blue eyes were blurred with tears, and her bottom lip was trembling. Max didn’t want to let her go, but she did. Not sure where to place her hands, or what to do with her legs, Max shuffled a few steps away.

“You’re the worst,” Bec laughed, voice heavy despite the tone. “You know that? You’re the fucking worst.”

“I’ve been told,” Max answered. “By more than my therapist.”

“I’m still mad. But,” She looked the other girl up and down. “I’m not as mad.”

“Okay.”

“Just text me back,” Bec said. “And take the train again.”

Max winced, “Um, actually, I can’t.”

“Oh?” Bec raised an eyebrow.

“I kinda broke my phone. And dropped out of school.”

“WHAT?”

Bec’s shout rang in her ears as Max nodded in a _welp happens to everyone am I right_ kind of way. Bec stared in disbelief before she started laughing. _Oh, shit I broke her,_ Max thought in a panic before Bec set her hand on Max’s shoulder, staring straight into her eyes.

“My God, you are a mess.”

“You have no idea,” Max responded.

“Okay, but just… don’t cut me off,” Bec said, squeezing her shoulder. “I worked really hard for you to talk to me for you to throw it all away.”

“Okay,” Max smiled slightly.

“I’m actually having a movie night with my friends tomorrow, if you want to come?” Bec offered.

Max almost declined, but the pleading look on Bec’s face, plus the knowledge that Hannah would kick her ass if she stayed, made Max nod. Bec’s face lit up and she suddenly felt better, despite the sudden nauseous feeling in her gut. 

“Awesome! Here, let me write down my address. We’re meeting at 7, if that’s okay. Just wear something comfortable and prepare for discourse.” Bec wrote an address on her arm with the pen in her apron, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. Yikes that was cute.

“Discourse?” Max asked.

“You’ll see,” Bec smiled. “Now go eat your spaghetti.”

“Okay, okay,” Max backed away, smiling.

“I’m still mad at you!” Bec reminded her as she entered through the back. Right as Max turned the corner, she caught sight of Bec, grinning as wide as the Cheshire Cat, her normally pale face flushed from the cold.

That nauseous feeling got worse.

 

~~~…~~~

 

_(6:03) Maxi pad: hey bec i got my phone fixed_

_(6:04) Bec Bock: heck yah_

_(6:04) Bec Bock: ready for tonight?_

_(6:05) Maxi pad: kinda nervous. ive nvr met your friends before_

_(6:09) Bec Bock: don’t worry theyre harmless. Well, kinda, im sure tht Poms could and would destroy a man. Mable and Leo are chill though_

_(6:11) Maxi pad: ok ok im just freaking out a little_

_(6:12) Bec Bock: what, u have anxiety issues?_

_(6:12) Maxi pad: …_

_(6:12) Maxi pad: um, yah? i guess_

_(6:14) Bec Bock: omg im so sorry i didnt mean it like tht_

_(6:15) Maxi pad: its fine i just dont have vry many friends and the people I am friends with im vry close to so its been a while since ive hung out with other people_

_(6:18) Bec Bock: well don’t worry we all don’t bite_

_(6:19) Bec Bock: well…_

_(6:19) Bec Bock: im 75% sure mabel doesn’t bite_

_(6:22) Maxi pad: im so reassured_

_(6:23) Bec Bock: they’ll love u_

_(6:24) Bec Bock: i mean i like u so u cant be tht bad_

_(6:25) Maxi pad: oh_

_(6:27) Bec Bock: I MEAN IN A GOOD AND PLATONIC WAY_

_(6:28) Maxi pad: lol thnx_

_(6:28) Maxi pad: tick i have an emergency_

_(6:29) Gremlin: im listening_

_(6:30) Maxi pad: bec said she liked me_

_(6:31) Gremlin: weren’t u 2 fighting yesterday?_

_(6:31) Maxi pad: we still are, its complicated_

_(6:32) Gremlin: ooooook so whats the problem???_

_(6:33) Maxi pad: why did her saying she liked me make me feel so weird?_

_(6:33) Maxi pad: like im gonna throw up_

_(6:34) Maxi pad: but in a good way??????_

_(6:35) Gremlin: ………_

_(6:35) Gremlin: r u serious_

_(6:36) Maxi pad: YES_

_(6:36) Gremlin: oh my god_

_(6:36) Maxi pad: what_

_(6:37) Maxi pad: am i dying????_

_(6:39) Maxi pad: ANSWER ME GREMLIN_

_(6:40) Maxi pad: i have to go see her in 20 mins omg answer me_

_(6:43) Maxi pad: u poo_

_(6:45) Maxi pad: im dying_

_(6:45) Bec Bock: see u in a few_

_(6:46) Maxi pad: see ya_

_(6:48) Gremlin: your sister is a mess_

_(6:49) Buzz Lightyear: ik_

“Okay, and if you feel like you’re going to freak out call me. Or if you even feel a little bit off. I’m turning my sound all the way up. If I finally give up on life, then call Tick or mom and dad. Oh my God did you even shower before this come over here…”

“GET OFF ME YOU MONSTER!”

The two siblings were sitting in James car outside of Bec’s house, James fussing over his sister while she mildly fended him off. Max, still nervous about being trapped in a house with three people she didn’t know, and one she had known for only a few months, had voiced her concerns to James on the ride over. Unfortunately, that had activated the Ultimate Dad™ and Max was in distress.

“Okay okay,” James back off, hands raised. “Just make sure you don’t push yourself.”

“I know,” Max answered. “I’ll keep you updated.”

“Awesome. Knock em dead kid.”

You are a year older than me,” Max protested, but James was already pushing her out the door and on her way towards the house.

“Have fun!” He shouted as he drove away.

Max took a deep breath and faced the house. It looked like a normal, suburban home. Bikes were scattered in the front lawn. Flower beds, filled with dying flowers and massive bushes lined the walkway. Already the door had a Halloween wreath, and several little ghost ornaments decorated the skeletal trees.

She rang the doorbell, and within seconds the door was yanked open by… not Bec. A boy, maybe three years old, stood in the doorway. Stark naked expect for a diaper and a Superman cape, stood with his hands on his hips and legs planted firmly.

“Uh,” Max said.

“FRANCIS I TOLD YOU DON’T ANSWER THE DOOR WITHOUT AN ADULT… oh, hello,” A woman, all soft edges and long curly hair, arrived behind the little boy. Her face was lined with laugh wrinkles, and several streaks of silver ran through her dark brown hair. She wore a Kiss the Cook apron, and her hands were covered in flour. “You must be Max.”

“Um, yeah,” Max answered.

“Well come in! Don’t stand out in the cold, you aren’t nearly dressed warm enough for that. Did you drive here? It is too late in the year to be walking around with that few layers.”

Max was overwhelmed by the verbal onslaught, and was suddenly reminded of Bec. “No, I got a ride with my brother.”

“Good, good,” The woman took Max’s leather jacket, not even blinking when she saw the tattoos. “Make yourself comfortable. I’m Melissa McCormack, by the way. Becca’s mother. If you need anything, please let me know.” She disappeared into the kitchen, still scolding Francis for opening the door. Max looked around, struck by how much of a home the house looked like. Not that her own home didn’t look like a home, but Max had been adopted when she was twelve. She never got the toys or pictures on the wall. Her parents had tried as hard as they could to make Max feel welcome and loved, but it wasn’t like they could reach into the past and get the toddler pictures, or sentimental toys kept in the back of a closet. Looking around now, Max could see all of that.

Pictures were everywhere, showing a range of kids, playing sports or holding awards. Several were just members of the family in front of various landmarks. A family portrait, displayed in the center of a wall, showed the whole family. Max instantly spotted Bec, grinning in the front row of the huge group.

“That’s my family.”

Max jumped as Bec came up beside her. “This was taken last year, when I still had braces.” She pointed out herself and the brilliant blue braces on her teeth. “That’s my older siblings: Henry, Natalie, Will, Emma, and Kyle. They’re all graduated and in college, except for Will. He and Francis live here with us. Next to Henry is his wife, Kennedy, And Natalie’s husband is Bob, and that’s Emma’s boyfriend Evan.” Bec continued pointing out family members, and their kids. Max watched as she smiled fondly and told her little characteristics about each niece and nephew, or laughed as she talked about her sisters’ drunk escapades.

“You have a really nice family,” Max said once she was finished.

“Oh, yeah,” Bec grinned, “They’re a handful, but I get special privileges being the youngest. Come on, the others haven’t arrived yet, so you get to help me set out snacks!”

Bec pulled Max into the kitchen, where Mrs. McCormack was kneading dough and Francis was playing with trains on the floor, still in Superman gear. Dishes overflowed in the sink, and several warm loaves of bread were already sitting on the counter. Hand drawn pictures were plastered to the fridge, and a dining table was covered in the remains of a dinner.

“Hey mom,” Bec hugged Mrs. McCormack from behind. “Did you buy the chips for tonight? And the soda?”

“Chips are in the pantry, soda in the fridge,” Mrs. McCormack squeezed her arm, leaving a flour handprint on her sweater.

“Sweet! Get the chips, Max,” Bec said, darting to the fridge. Max grabbed the party sized chips, and followed Bec to the living room. She set the snacks on the center table while Bec grabbed blankets from a chest in the corner. A TV hung from the wall on the opposite side of a couch and two chairs. Even more pictures hung from the walls.

“Okay, just pick wherever to sit, but I can promise you that Poms always claims the right side of the couch,” Bec warned. The doorbell rang, and a shout came from the kitchen.

“FRANCIS WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?” Mrs. McCormack demanded. Bec darted from the room yelling back that she would get him, and left Max alone in the living room. It didn’t last long, as Francis ran past the doorway, and two teenagers Max didn’t know, and one she did, entered the room.

“Hannah?” Max exclaimed.

Hannah froze, eyes wide. The two teens next to her looked confused, and Bec entered. “You guys know each other?”

“You fucker,” Max said. “You knew Bec all along?”

Hannah unfroze, “Watch your language, there are children present.”

“Hey!” Yelped the girl standing next to her.

“And also, surprise,” Hannah waved her hands and smirked. “I’m Poms.”

“You motherfu…”

“Language!”

“Okay, explain,” Bec pointed between the two girls, “I am very confused here. I thought you knew I was friends with both of you?”

Hannah sighed, “You know James? The guy I’m dating? Yeah that’s Max’s older brother. I thought it would be better if Max sorted out her… friendship with you on her own. I was going to tell you soon, I swear,” Hannah put her hands together in a pleading action. Max narrowed her eyes.

“Traitor.”

Hannah winced, “Sorry, I just figured you had so much going on you should figure it out before you knew about that. Also, James thought it would be funny.”

“Of course, he did,” Max said.

“So, truce? For now? We can prank James later?” Hannah offered.

Max considered her for a second, then nodded, “Fine, but it had better be a good prank.”

“Duh,” Hannah said. “Now, onto movie discussion. Mean Girls.”

The other two teens groaned as they moved to the couch, “Not again.”

“Agreed, not again.”

“It’s a classic!”

“It’s a pain to watch you quote everything.”

Bec came up besides Max, “Hey, you okay?”

Max opened her mouth to be angry, but then rethought, “You know what? I should have figured Hannah was being sneaky.”

Bec laughed, “Yeah, Poms is terrifying. Now sit, we have to argue over the movie we are watching, and we cannot watch Mean Girls again.”

Hannah, or _Poms_ as her other friends called her, ended up claiming the right side of the couch and a penguin patterned blanket. Her pink hair was pulled back into a bun, and she wore gray sweats and a t-shirt Max was 97% sure was James. On the chair next to her sat Leo Orga, a short African American boy with green, blue, and purple hair. He was the quietest out of the gang, but whenever he spoke everyone listened. On the other chair was Mabel Jenkins. She had long red hair and her skin was practically only freckles. She was loud, and couldn’t seem to sit still. One moment she was on the chair, and next she was on top of Hannah and proclaiming something or another. Bec insisted that Max take the couch and curled up in a pile of blankets on the floor, while Max took the other side of the couch.

And thus, the discourse began.

“Mean Girls,” Hannah held out, glaring at everyone.

“Lord of the Rings,” Leo said.

“Sharknado,” Bec said.

“Miss Congeniality,” Mabel said.

They all looked at Max. She tried to disappear into the back of the couch, “I don’t have an opinion.”

“Then just pick one of ours,” Mabel said. “We need a deciding vote.”

“I promise we won’t kill you for choosing someone else’s movie,” Bec promised.

“I make no such promises,” Hannah said.

Max suddenly felt trapped. She hated making decisions, especially since people would judge her if she chose wrong. What if Mabel and Leo decided not to like her? What if Bec decided not to like her? Then this would be awkward and Bec wouldn’t want to talk to her anymore. She couldn’t just leave, her house was over 45 minutes away, and she couldn’t call James just yet because then he would be even more worried about her.

“Um, I don’t… I don’t know,” Max stuttered.

Mabel groaned, “Come on, just pick. It’s not that hard of a choice.”

_Great, now Mabel hated her._

“I… I’m sorry… I don’t…”

Hannah interrupted her, “Hey, don’t sweat it we’ll just have Melissa decide. HEY MAMA McCORMACK!”

Max jumped at Hannah’s booming voice. Cheer had made Hannah’s voice louder than normal. Mrs. McCormack appear in the doorway, flour smeared across her face.

“Mean Girls, Sharknado, Lord of the Rings, or Miss Congeniality?”

She thought for a moment, “Princess Bride.”

The room exploded into cheers, Mabel jumping up and down on her seat, Leo fist bumping Hannah, and Bec hugged Max’s leg. _What just happened._

Within minutes the opening scene was up on the TV, and the five teenagers were curled up in their seats watching Westly and Buttercup realize their love for each other. Max was frozen in her seat, still shocked from what had just happened. Bec offered her the chip bowl, and smirked at her expression.

“Princess Bride is what established our gangs’ friendship,” She explained. “You okay?”

Max nodded and took a handful.

The movie continued, with cheers and tears. Mabel and Hannah quoted every iconic moment, and Leo openly cried during the fight scene between Inigo Montoya and the Six-Fingered Man. Once the movie was over, the gang cheered, and a game of Super Smash Bros was started. Hannah and Leo began employing skill, while Bec, Mabel, and Max button mashed their way through. Somehow, during the midst of that, Bec ended up between Hannah and Max, furiously shouting and swearing vengeance on Mabel for continuously pushing her off.

“Mabel, I will give you F’s on all of your biology tests,” Bec hissed as Mabel smashed her character off the screen.

“Just try, Mr. McNamara likes me better than you,” Mabel shot back, grinning at the TV as she annihilated Leo and Hannah in quick succession.

“Max, avenge me!” Bec cried, throwing herself on top of her. Max felt every inch of her face turn red. Distracted by Bec, but still button mashing like crazy, her character managed to take out Mabel’s and win the game.

“HOW?” Mabel shrieked. Bec cheered and hugged Max, shaking her back and forth in excitement. Leo and Hannah began singing some kind of victory song, complete with dance and rude gestures. Hannah’s eyes caught Max’s and her grin increased knowingly.

_Don’t you dare you sneaky little…_

“Having fun there, Max?”

Bec suddenly let her go, glaring at Hannah, “Hey Poms, why don’t you start another game, huh?”

“Uh huh, okay,” Hannah smirked.

They played a few more, just as equally tense games, ending in Hannah and Mabel’s victory’s respectively. After that, the pushed the table aside and gathered in a circle. Each person took a blanket and wrapped it around themselves with a bag of chips in the center. Bec and Leo sat on either side of Max, while Hannah sat next to Leo and Mabel.

“Have you played never have I ever?” Leo asked Max as the settled down.

She shook her head. She hadn’t really had friends to play it with. Leo started explaining the rules while Bec ran off to grab something from the kitchen.

“Okay, so someone will say something like ‘Never have I ever eaten squid’ and if you have then you have to take a drink. Since we’re responsible teenagers, we drink apple cider.”

“Got it!” Bec ran back in with a gallon bottle of apple cider and five cups. “If we run out we can use orange nasty crap.”

“Excuse you, orange nasty crap is amazing,” Mabel protested.

“Okay then, you start,” Bec poured out several cups of cider.

Mabel carefully looked around, then smirked, “Never have I ever gotten blackout drunk.”

“Oh, that’s low,” Hannah groaned and took a drink. Max blinked. She hadn’t expected that, but she also took a drink.

“Wait, I know Hannah’s story, what’s yours?” Bec asked.

Max shrugged, “I snuck onto a college campus and got drunk with a bunch of sorority girls, and they let me crash at their place.”

“I remember that,” Hannah said. “James was so pissed.”

“Okay, Poms go,” Mabel said.

“Never have I ever watched every Harry Potter movie.”

“Okay, that’s just sad,” Mabel said as everyone took a drink.

“I’ve read all the books,” She said. “Oooo, what’s everyone’s house? I’m Gryffindor.”

“To the surprise of nobody,” Mabel laughed, “I’m Ravenclaw.”

“Same,” Leo said, and the two fist-bumped.

“I’m a Hufflepuff,” Bec said. “Or, at least it was when I took it three years ago.”

“Gryffindor,” Max said.

“I’m all alone!” Bec exclaimed. “Nooooooooo!”

Leo looked Mabel straight in the eyes as he said, “Never have I ever gotten a regrettable tattoo.”

“You bitch,” Mabel muttered and took a drink.

“What qualifies a regrettable tattoo?” Max asked.

“You regret it,” Hannah laughed.

Max took a drink.

“I have a Pepe on my thigh,” Mabel winced. “What’s yours?”

Max pulled the blanket closer around her shoulders, staring at the floor. Hatred, not for anyone in the room, but for herself, curled in her stomach like a viper. “All of them.”

The group went silent as they took in her skin, covered in tattoos. Some of them were gorgeous, James having donated hundreds of dollars to helping her cover up her scars. Bec reached out to touch the vines and flowers on her arm, but Max flinched away.

“It’s your turn, Max,” Hannah said softly.

“Never have I ever…” She thought for a second. “Never have I ever had a biological sibling.”

“You wound me,” Bec said, a little to happily as she took a drink, trying to draw attention away from Max. Leo and Mabel also took and drink while Hannah smirked.

The game continued, ending with a fight over whether Leo had made a spitball in his lifetime. The clock read 11:45 when the others started leaving. Hannah left first, to the boos of everyone else. Then Mabel and Leo left, claiming they had homework. Max texted James, letting him know she was ready to leave, and the two girls were left alone in the living room, surrounded by blankets and chips from the mini food war Mabel had initiated.

“Hey,” Bec said, looking like a burrito wrapped in multiple blankets on the floor. Little tuffs of her hair poked out from under the blankets.

“Hey,” Max answered from across the floor, leaning against the couch. Blankets covered her legs while pillows were piled behind her back. Bec’s toes touched hers.

“Did you really mean that? About the tattoos?” Bec asked.

Max stared resolutely at the floor. “Yeah.”

It wasn’t that she hated her tattoos. She loved some of them, especially the one she decided to get with James and Tick. She remembered long nights, sat on James bed while they looked through pictures of tattoos. The tree on her torso she decided to get with her parents. The three stars on her wrist symbolized her new family. The clock on her right shoulder was for Tick, with the hands reading 11:11. Tick had always resolutely believed in 11:11 wishes. She loved her tattoos, but she also regretted them. She regretted every scar that she chose to cover up. She regretted every memory those lines of ink replaced. It was a bittersweet feeling, those designs on her skin.

“Why?” Bec asked, leaning forwards with an open expression. Max remembered a conversation she had with her therapist a few weeks ago about body positioning, and how easy some people were to read. Bec was one of those people. Her body always showed exactly how she felt. When they had fought, Max remembered seeing the anger in her stance, but now all she saw was a yearning to understand.

“You know how I was adopted when I was twelve?” Max asked. Bec nodded. “Well, I was in the system for a long time. My biological parents died when I was two. Nobody wanted me. I was a trouble kid. I got in fights a lot. I was in a group home for a while. The adults there were overwhelmed all the time. There were to many kids and not enough resources to take care of them. A lot of the time we didn’t get enough to eat. Then I got up into foster homes. I was never there long. The longest one I was in was the one I had right before the Hamada’s took me in. The dad hated me. The mom got me as a replacement for their dead kid, and he hated that. He used to put out his cigs on my skin, or come home and beat me up. Most of my scars are from that house. He… did some other stuff to me. When I got adopted I was angry, and broken. Still am, but not as much as then. The Hamada’s put a lot of work and love into me, and I owe everything to them. When I turned fourteen, I decided I wanted to cover up my scars with tattoos. They were supportive, and helped me pick out a lot of them. I love my tattoos, but the memories under them… I hate those. So, it’s a win loose thing.”

Bec was silent as she took in the story. Then she moved, scooting closer to Max and wrapped her arms and blankets around her. “I love your tattoos. All of them. They’re you, not the scars.”

Max felt her throat close as tears started welling up in her eyes. Sniffing, she pushed them back. She wouldn’t cry in front of Bec.

“Thank you for telling me.” Bec said, pulling back a little. “Is… is that why what happened with Caleb mess with you so much?”

Max nodded, not trusting herself to talk.

“Sorry I got so mad,” Bec said. “You were dealing with all that shit and I…”

“No,” Max said. Her voice was a little hoarse. “No, you were right to call me out on my bullshit. I shouldn’t have ignored people who wanted to help me. I might have been coping, but it wasn’t healthy. You were right.”

“But…”

“No buts,” Max turned and hugged her back. “You made me realize that I wasn’t being a good friend.”

“Okay,” Bec hugged her tighter, and Max suddenly realized just how close they were. Bec wasn’t letting go though, and her hair smelled so good. Her shampoo had to be strawberry scented, and her skin smelled like vanilla. As Max sat there, arms wrapped around each other, she realized something very bad.

Very, _very,_ bad.

Her phone buzzed, separating the two of them. A message from James, letting her know he was there, lighted up her screen.

“I, uh, got to go,” She said, getting up. Her hands felt sweaty. Her ears were on fire.

“Okay,” Bec smiled, getting up too. “I’ll talk to you later? Maybe we can hang out again?”

“Uh huh. Okay, bye.”

Max bolted out the door, waving goodbye to Mrs. McCormack. James was sitting in the car when Max yanked open the door and darted in.

“Are you okay?” James asked.

_Max turned to him, face red. “I think I have a crush.”_

 

~~~…~~~

 

Max was infuriated to know that, not only James, but Tick and Hannah also knew about the crush. Before even she did! James had just laughed, the entire ride home before telling her that Hannah had guessed it the day she heard Max talking about Bec. Tick had known since the beginning. Max had never felt more betrayed in her life.

Bec, with an intensity Max had never seen in her life, had taken to texting Max every day. It didn’t matter what it was, from a good morning text, to a cute dog sighting, to an hour-long conversation about if octopi were aliens or not. It was torture for Max, every cute thing Bec did now more obvious by her now realized crush.

Tick even called an intervention to talk about how Max needed to do something about it because they couldn’t take her screeching whenever Bec said something cute. James brought up that Max started riding the train in the morning again, just to talk with Bec. Max said that she just liked the coffee shop on the other side of town. Nobody believed her.

Sitting on the morning train, Max waited for Bec to get on. Hot Soup was painfully trying to eat his tomato soup, Cat Hair was holding a gigantic bag of cat food, and Romeo was casually sitting in his seat, holding the hand of a girl with long blond hair and a floral dress. Everything was normal, and peaceful. Music blared from Max’s headphones, canceling out the noises of normal train morning.

Snow was falling outside. Halloween had come and gone, and now it was freezing outside. Frost had begun covering everything, and now snow was softy covering everything is a white blanket. Max had started wearing sweaters instead of t-shirts, and Tick had taken a great interesting in expanding her clothing. Right now, she wore Tick’s personal favorite, a sweater with a giant alien head and the words _I Believe_ in bright green. In her hands was two cups of gas station coffee.

The train slowed to a stop, and Max pulled off her headphones. The doors slid open, and several people rushed in, including Bec. Her long dark hair hung around her face, and she wore a thick yellow cardigan, jeans, and a red scarf. Her nose, ears, and cheeks were brilliant red. When she saw Max, her face split in a brilliant grin.

“Hey,” She said, sitting down next to her.

“Hey,” Max answered, handing her the cup of shitty gas station coffee.

Bec launched into a story about Francis, glue, and two pounds of Corn Flakes. Max was happy to just sit back and listen to whatever she wanted to talk about. It was the best part of her day, listening to Bec ramble on and on. Before she had met Bec, days like these had been boring and spent not being a creep. Now she was actually happy.

The train came to a slow stop, and the two of them exited.

“So, what are you doing for school?” Bec asked. The two walked side by side, hands shoved into pockets. Everything seemed softened by the snow. Footprints led them towards Bickerstone High, where teens streamed into the buildings.

Max shrugged, “I don’t know. Get my GED, maybe look at my options for college. I haven’t really thought that far ahead. You?”

“I’m applying for college soon. I want to become a teacher, probably for English or something. Me and the gang are all planning on applying to Rosestone University, which is only two days drive from here.” Bec glanced over at her, “What are your friends doing?”

Max scowled at the ground, “Tick has some big intern opportunity over in Greenland, so they’re going to be living there for at least five years. And James is going to Virginia for college with Hannah. He offered to let me go with him, but I don’t know. I can’t follow him around forever.”

“Well, I know my councilor has a bunch of college pamphlets,” Bec said. “I could grab a bunch for you. Just to help you explore your options. I could come over and help you figure out what you want to do. If you want. You don’t have to.”

“That sounds great,” Max answered, bumping her shouldering into Bec. Bec grinned, then her mouth rounded into an O.

“Oh, shit, I forgot to tell you. My birthday is coming up this weekend. I already invited the gang, and Hannah said she is bringing over James and Tick. I was just wondering if you wanted to come too? We’re probably just going to be eating a lot of junk food and killing each other over Mario Kart.”

“Sure,” Max agreed, then felt instant panic.

“Awesome!” Bec’s smile was somehow even wider. “I got TA today, so expect some grade A conversation about how much I hate biology 2 homework.”

“Cool,” Max croaked out, waving as Bec bounded away to join Hannah, Leo, and Mabel inside. Fingers a little numb from cold and fear, she pulled out her phone and texted her brother.

_(7:34) Maxi pad: H E L P M E_

_(7:36) Buzz Lightyear: what is it now_

_(7:37) Maxi pad: bec is having a party_

_(7:37) Maxi pad: WHAT DO I GET HER??????_

_(7:38) Buzz Lightyear: you’re asking me for gift advice?_

_(7:40) Maxi pad: yes?_

_(7:41) Buzz Lightyear: dude i gave my girlfriend a pack of Q-tips and a jumbo bag of snickers for her birthday_

_(7:42) Buzz Lightyear: i am the WORST at giving gifts_

_(7:43) Maxi pad: u useless poo_

_(7:43) Maxi pad: who am i supposed to ask_

_(7:45) Buzz Lightyear: dad? duh? he is the master at gifts_

_(7:47) Maxi pad: shit u right_

~~~…~~~

Hideaki Hamada was a quiet man. He came from a rich family in Japan, and had moved to America with his wife, Amaya, to expand upon the business. They had their first child, James, several years after they moved, and twelve years later they adopted Max. He never wanted an exciting life. He was content to be married to his beautiful wife, have a kid or two, retire, and spend his days reading western novels. His life had been practically uprooted by the addition of a short little girl with shattered gray eyes, matted black hair, and the attitude of a cornered wild animal.

That wasn’t to say that Hideaki didn’t love Max. He loved Max with every fiber of his being. She was as precious to him as Amaya, or James. But he could have never expected this little girl to give him so much to fight for.

Over the years her cornered animal attitude had lessened as she opened up and accepted her new family. Hideaki had been delighted the first time she asked him to help her with homework, or the day she let him hug her. The first time she got a tattoo, he had been hesitant, but once Max had told him why, he broke down and spent the next week looking over designs with her to find the perfect one.

So, when Max burst into the house, out of breath and wide eyed, Hideaki’s first instinct was to strangle whomever had hurt his girl. The event with the Erikson boy had infuriated him to no ends, and having her look this panicked made him afraid.

“What is it?” He asked, getting up off his office seat and ushering Max onto a couch. She was flushed, and bits of snow clung to her hair. “Did something happen on the train? What is it?”

“Idonotknowwhattogetmyfriendwhoisalsokindofmycrushbutthatisn’timportantandIamfreakingoutpleasehelpme,” Max said in one breath.

Hideaki blinked, “What?”

Max took a few steadying breathes, then said, “I don’t know what to get my friend, who is also kind of my crush but that isn’t important, and I’m freaking out. Please help.”

 _Ah, this must be Bec,_ Hideaki thought. He had often overheard Max whining to James about the girl with blue eyes and adorable laugh. He had meant to ask her about it, but Max had a habit of closing off when cornered about things. He figured she would come to him when she was ready, but he wasn’t expecting it to be like this.

“Okay, slow down,” He took her hand. “You’re never this nervous about giving gifts.”

“That’s because you and mom don’t care if I get you socks for Christmas,” Max groaned, slouching farther and farther down the couch. “Bec is… she’s different.”

Hideaki smiled, remembering his first Christmas with Amaya. He too had spent many days worried sick about the perfect gift for the girl he loved. Patting Max’s shoulder, he said, “Well, what is this girl like?”

Max groaned again, “She’s just so… I don’t know. She’s happy, and friendly, but when she gets mad she lets you know. And she loves trashy movies, and coffee with more creamer than coffee, and she has a huge family and they all love each other so much, and she never shuts up, and when she smiles she lights up the room, and ugh dad this sucks.”

“What sucks?”

“Just,” She waved her hands wildly, “ _This!_ Having a crush. Worrying so much about what she thinks of me. Worrying I’m going to screw it up because I’m dumb and can’t do anything right.”

“Max, you are not dumb, and you do plenty of things right,” Hideaki said sternly. “You are a beautiful young woman and this girl would be lucky to have you.”

“But that doesn’t solve this!” Max said. “I don’t know what to get her. The most personal thing I’ve ever gotten someone was that stupid stuffed shark for James.”

“Mr. Nom Nom would appreciate it if you didn’t talk shit about him,” James called from the living room.

“Language, James,” Hideaki warned. Max folded up on herself, face buried in her knees that were drawn against her chest.

“I just don’t know, dad,” She said. “I really want this girl to like me.”

Hideaki had never seen his daughter like this. From the first moment he had laid eyes upon her, Max had never been concerned with what others thought of her, or if she did, she never showed it. She kept a wall between her and everyone else, holding them at an arms length so that when they left it wouldn’t hurt as much. He had watched his son chip away at that wall, assisted by Amaya and himself. But even now, he never saw Max admit she was worried about the opinions of others. Bec must be important.

“Well,” He took her hands in his. “From my experience, giving handmade gifts go over very well, since it’s a sign that you spent time and love on something for that person. One of my first gifts for Amaya was a truly horrible woven bracelet. It was a sign of her love for me that she continued wearing the thing.”

Max looked up, “But I can’t make anything like that. I’m not good with arts and crafts.”

“Who said I was? It is a Hamada tradition to be bad at arts and crafts,” Hideaki chuckled. “Just find something that feels right, and go with that. If you need help, we are here to help.”

Max thought for a moment, then grinned, “I know what to do.”

“Good girl,” Hideaki ruffled her hair. “Now get to it.”

_He watched as Max took off running, calling for James to follow her, and smiled. He was glad that his son had annoyed him and Amaya into adopting her._

 

~~~…~~~

           

Max hated parties. The noise, the smells, the overwhelming anxiety that you were alone and nobody liked you, the people, etc etc. The biggest party Max had ever been to was when she was thirteen years old and her new parents had tried taking her and James to a fancy party where the food cost way too much and the people all talked about business. Max had ended up setting fire to a table that night.

Tonight though, Max couldn’t help but feel eager to go. She forced Hannah to help her with make-up, and threated to hide James cereal if he didn’t shut up and stop teasing her. Nestled in the bottom of her jacket pocket was the gift. She spent hours on her gift, and even then, she wasn’t sure she liked it. James assured her it looked great. Tick was honest and told her it looked like shit. Whatever, it was something made by her and if Bec didn’t like it then she had a jumbo bag of candy in the car.

They pulled up to the McCormack household, Hannah and James in the front with Tick and Max in the back. They all had their gifts and designated snacks. The house was already alight, Christmas lights decorating the house and a tree twinkling in the window. Snow was covering practically everything now.

The door burst open and Bec ran out, followed by Leo and Mabel, all wearing cheap party hats. Bec snapped one onto Max’s head and grinned, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Max smiled back.

Leo and Tick instantly hit it off. It seemed that the quiet boy loved engineering, and combine that with Tick’s abundant knowledge of all things technological, they began comparing notes and plans. They all moved to the living room to play video games, which ended with James in time out, Hannah and Mabel at each other’s throats, and the others dying of laughter on the couch. Mrs. McCormack brought out the cake and everyone gathered around, singing and laughing as Mabel sang in the highest pitch she could manage, and Tick armpit farted their way through. Bec blew out the candles and presents were gathered.

Leo got her a complete series of Lord of the Rings books, Mabel a little statue of a bird, Hannah a bag full of make-up, Tick an alarm clock that woke you up with Shakespeare quotes, and James a rotisserie chicken. Her parents gave her an axolotl, pink with little black spots. She named it Bazooka, or Zook for short.

Everyone settled down to watch a movie, but Max noticed Bec glancing over at her with a concerned look. With several unhelpful nudges from James, Max leaned over and whispered to Bec, “Hey, I have something for you.”

Grabbing her hand, the two of them left the living room. They ended up sitting on the stairs, the noises from the living room faint. Bec sat on the step right above her, hair falling in her face. She wore a thick gray sweater, and confetti from earlier was still stuck to her. She pulled her legs to her chest and smiled excitedly at Max, “What do you have for me?”

Max reached inside her pocket and pulled out a package that was maybe the size of her palm, “Sorry, it’s not much but I’m really bad at gifts and this was all I could think of.”

Bec took it carefully and tore off the paper. She gasped as she lifted the gift, her eyes sparkling.

“I know, it doesn’t look very good,” Max apologized. “I have candy in the car if that’s better.”

“No, shut up, I love it,” Bec said, thrusting it towards her. “Put it on me.”

Max did, and soon the gift hung from her neck. A piece of wood carved into a vaguely daffodil shape hanging from a leather strap. It was lopsided, and honestly looked terrible, but Bec looked at it like it was priceless.

“I didn’t know you could carve,” Bec said.

Max winced, “I can’t. James was a boy scout for a few years before they kicked him out. He helped me. I mean, I did all of it, but he showed me how to do some stuff. I just remembered you said those were your favorite flowers because they symbolized new beginnings, and I think right now is one of those.”

Bec’s head snapped up, “What?”

Max gulped, flexing her fingers into the carpet. _Oh fuck, was she doing this now?_ She hadn’t planned on admitting any feelings. It just slipped out. Oh no oh no oh no oh no…

“I, um, never mind,” Max tried to back out of it, standing up. “Everyone is probably wondering where you are. We should head back—”

“I like you.”

You know in stories, where they say time stops? Everything freezes as the perfect moment plays out in front of you and you rush into each other’s arms and the music swells, or whatever. Yeah, that didn’t happen. Mabel kept screeching from the living room. The clock on the wall kept ticking. The world remained exactly the same.

“What?” Max squeaked.

Bec looked nervous, “I like you. Do you not like me? I was reading this wrong, wasn’t I? Oh my God, you’re probably straight too. Fuck, sorry, I just… you’re really cute and you were kind of a jerk for a little bit at the beginning, but then I got to know you and you’re just this awesome person and it was really hard to _not_ fall for you. I’m sorry, I really love the necklace.”

“Bec,” Max interrupted. Bec shut up, hands twisting together. Max reached out hesitantly and took one of her hands, “I like you too.”

Bec’s face lit up, going from distraught to hopeful in .5 seconds. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Max said, smiling crookedly.

“Cool,” Bec said. “Does that mean I can keep holding your hand?”

“Sure.”

“Cool.”

The two of them, hand in hand, walked back to the living room. It was scary how synchronized their friends’ heads turned as they entered. There was a moment of silence, and a whoop from Tick.

“Fuckin finally!”

Max felt herself blush as the others started laughing and congratulating them, but Bec squeezed her hand and suddenly she felt safer. They sat together on the couch, knees barely touching as they watched the movie.

It was 2 in the morning when the sugar high started wearing off. Mabel had already crashed on a chair, lightly snoring with several obscene doodles drawn on her face. Leo and Tick had both fallen asleep in the corner, laptops illuminating their faces with their screensavers. Hannah and James were still awake, but barely. His hands traced patterns down her arm as they both quietly giggled over inside jokes they shared. Bec had fallen asleep, curled up next to Max, who softly laughed at the girl. _She does drool._ She carefully got to her feet, making sure not to disturb any of the sleeping parties, and snuck out to the kitchen to get a drink.

Mrs. McCormack sat at the kitchen table, holding a cup of tea and scrolling through her phone. She looked up with a smile as Max entered the room.

“Last one awake?” She asked, gesturing to a chair for Max to sit. She did, grabbing a cup full of punch.

“Nah, my brother and Poms are still awake. I give them ten more minutes.”

Mrs. McCormack laughed, and Max was reminded of Bec’s own laugh. Setting her phone aside, she faced the teenager fully. “So, I hear that you and my daughter have a _thing.”_

“Uh, yes?” Max said, not sure what the correct answer was here.

Mrs. McCormack smiled, “Well I am glad you finally talked things out. She has been going on and on about you for months. Talking non-stop about your ‘tragic anime past’ and ‘cool tattoos’ and almost begging me for one.” She laughed a little at that. “It’s a relief to see her venting those emotions on the guilty party.”

Max felt her stomach curl, “My tattoos?”

“Yes, they are very beautiful,” Mrs. McCormack said. She seemed to sense Max’s discomfort. “Do you not think so?”

Max looked down at her skin. “I… I don’t know. They cover up a lot of bad memories for me. I don’t think I deserve to love them properly.”

Mrs. McCormack tsked, “Nonsense. Look here.” She pulled up the sleeve to her right arm, revealing a gorgeous tattoo of a bird, it’s wings slightly spread as if preparing to take flight. Everything was shades of gray, the only true darkness coming from the eyes of the bird. Mrs. McCormack smiled fondly at the bird. “Do you see that line? Right down the center of the bird.”

Max looked closer and felt her throat close.

“When I was about your age, I was very depressed,” She said. “My family wasn’t a very happy family, and add that to a long history of depression in my family, I was excessively suicidal. My first attempt was my only attempt, as you can see. My brother found me, almost gone. He rushed me to the hospital and almost beat the rest of the life out of me, he was so mad. A month after that we ran away from home, and my life has gotten so much better. I met my husband, Thomas, and had six beautiful children. I lived a life I never thought I was going to have when I was young. And now I’m a grandma.” She laughed, lovingly stroking the silver streaks in her hair. “I got this tattoo when I was nineteen years old, and for the longest time I hated it. It reminded me of a dark past that I had no wish in repeating. But then I met my husband, and had my children. That’s when this bird changed for me.”

Max looked down at her own arm, covered in flowers and vines. As Mrs. McCormack continued to talk, the felt the hatred for those designs start to fade into something else.

“This bird no longer symbolized a past of pain and lose,” She said. “It symbolized my growth. It reminds me that I made it this far when I came so close to never making it past fifteen. And if I can do it, so can you,” She winked at Max.

Max ran a hand over her own tattoos. For so long she had thought of them as a Band-Aid over a wound. Something to hide the past, but now… she felt hopeful. Mrs. McCormack used to hate her tattoo, who said she couldn’t come to love her own? Max met Mrs. McCormack’s eyes. “Thank you.”

“Sometimes we all need reminding that we grow,” She chuckled. “Humans are not meant to remain stagnant. We leap and bound for the next challenge, and staying still would kill us.”

Opening her arms, she offered the teen a hug which she gladly accepted. She was warm, and soft. Everything a mother should be. Max was reminded of her own mother, but there was something about Mrs. McCormack that made Max feel peaceful.

“Now,” Mrs. McCormack said, pulling back. “You get back in there and make sure my daughter took out her contacts. She will complain up a storm if she wakes up with those in her eyes.” She shushed her out, smiling kindly.

Max tiptoed back into the room, nudging Bec awake, “Wake up.”

“I may like you, but I will kill you for five more minutes of sleep,” Bec grumbled.

Max giggled, “You have to take out your contacts.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Bec stumbled up, rubbing her eyes but then gasped. “Oh, shit it’s stuck in my eye. Oh my God that hurts, guide me to the bathroom I can’t see shit.”

Max led her to the bathroom, gathering the supplies as directed so that Bec could remove her torture devices. As she sleepily preformed her pre-sleep routine, Max smiled fondly. Bec noticed, and smiled back with confusion. “What?”

“Nothing,” Max said, shaking her head. “I just realized… I’m actually happy.”

_Bec flung her arms around her, squeezing her as tight as she could. They stood there like that for a while, just holding each other as the rest of the house slept, and Max held onto a future she wanted._

 


End file.
